Your writing is fair to midland. The story line has been done a million times before (Twilight, anyone?) and I think we're all a little tired of it. You need to edit, edit, edit. You have a lot of spelling errors, grammatical errors, punctuation problems, and horrible sentence structure. If you want people to read your story for what it's worth, make sure you do them the courtesy of editing it a thousand times before you post it. Good luck.
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