How can I help me depression while waiting for a professional?

I am a freshman in high school. All my life I have been unhappy and joyless. I would cover it up by acting like a monkey at school. (Not literally) I've quit so many things in life. My attitude was always they'd do better without me I'm such a waste of space. Other times I would be they are such losers I don't deserve this. I just hate being around myself now. This sad incapable kid. I have a few friends at school that are really great. It's a miracle I still have them since I constantly ignore them and annoy there every day lives. I was born into a oriental family whose main goal is success. But I thought to myself. If this is what I have to be all through high school I rather die. I want to be well rounded. Im just constantly mean, irritable, annoying, everything. Dint get me wrong Im not a bad kid. People don't neccessarily hate me. I just really really want to do well in school while enjoying these 4 yearsbecause I know theyll past in a blink. I dont need everyone to like me. I dont. I tried getting involved in school this year but ive ended up quitting and getting ill. So please someone out there please help me. Ive gotten so tired and lifeless more than usual. And i have this haze over my head not letting me do anything.